When you speak Italian, formality is more than just a grammatical nuance – it’s a cultural code that reflects our relationships and social contexts.
The Coffee Break Italian Show is a podcast series of bite-sized, friendly conversations in which we demystify tricky Italian language topics. In the latest episode, Mark and Francesca delve into the fascinating world of Italian formality and how to address people, choosing between tu and Lei.
This can be difficult at times, but don’t worry! Francesca and Mark share some tips – whether you want to talk to a friend, a relative, a doctor, or even the president of Italy.
Continue reading to find out more, and why not enjoy the podcast episode as you go?
Formality in Italian
Formality, in the context of the Italian language, hinges on the choice between tu and Lei – the two ways of addressing someone as “you”. This affects not just pronouns but verb conjugations as well, and choosing between tu and Lei involves recognising the nature of the situation and whether it is most appropriate to sound informal or formal.
In terms of which form of the verb to use:
tu is used in the second person singular form of the verb, for example tu canti (“you (informal) sing”), tu apri (“you (informal) open”)
Lei is used in the third person singular form of the verb, for example Lei canta (“you (formal) sing”), Lei apre (“you (formal) open”)
You might notice that Lei shares its written form with the third person singular pronoun lei (“she”), however it starts with a capital letter.
The plural you
The plural form of address is voi for both informal and formal contexts. For example:
Bambini, volete del gelato?
Children, would you like some ice cream?
Come posso aiutarvi, signori?
How can I help you, gentlemen?
A very formal plural form of address, Loro, is usually reserved for extremely formal situations, such as high-end establishments like luxury hotels.
Loro sono i signori Verdi?
Are you Mr and Mrs Verdi?
Loro voglio accomodarsi?
Would you like to take a seat?
Decoding the scenarios
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Strangers
Imagine you’re meeting someone for the first time or you’re asking someone for information. In this case, the safer option is to use the formal form of address, Lei, unless the person is noticeably younger than you. Let’s say you want to catch their attention – you would say:
Scusi!
Excuse me! (formal)Scusa!
Excuse me! (informal)
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Professional settings
At workplaces or when addressing superiors, such as your boss, adopting the formal Lei is the norm. Similarly, in academic settings like schools and universities, people tend to use formal language when communicating with teachers and professors.
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Familiar territory
Among friends and people you know well, the informal tu is the way to go. It conveys a sense of intimacy and familiarity.
Titles as indicators of formality
Formality often comes hand in hand with titles. Adding titles can be a clear sign of formality, for example:
Signore / Signora
Sir / Madam or Mr / Ms
Professore / Professoressa
Professor
Dottore / Dottoressa
Doctor
These titles show respect and set the tone for a formal conversation.
When to transition to ‘tu’
Sometimes, negotiating formality becomes an explicit conversation. The following phrases are all ways of transitioning to a more familiar or relaxed tone of conversation.
diamoci del tu
let’s use the tu form with each other (literally, “let’s give each other the tu form”)
dammi del tu
use the tu form with me (literally, “give me the tu form”)
non darmi del Lei
don’t use the Lei form with me (literally, “don’t give me the Lei form”)
Choosing between tu and Lei is a personal decision that, once made, tends to be stuck to within a conversation or even relationship (unless a transition like this happens).
Note that, while nowadays it is possible to notice a shift towards informality, the majority of Italians still prefer to use both tu and Lei, depending on the situation.
Regional variants
Sometimes geography plays a role in the choice of forms of address. In southern Italy, the tendency to replace Lei with voi is noticeable, echoing the French vous. For example:
Signor Turri, volete un caffè?
Mr Turri, would you like a coffee?
È tutto, signore e signori!
The choice between tu and Lei in Italian is more than just grammatical – it is also about social customs. Understanding these subtleties enables you to navigate various situations, whether chatting with friends, addressing your boss, or exploring the charming streets of Italy.
If you found this post interesting, make sure to listen to the full episode with Mark and Francesca on The Coffee Break Italian Show. This is the series in which we look at a range of topics for Italian learners, so make sure to subscribe to our podcast feed or our channel on YouTube.
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If you have conversations in Italian, the choice between tu and Lei is bound to come up sooner, rather than later. The best tip is not to stress about it. People will understand you are a learner, and the advice in this blog will give you a firm starting block.
Happy Coffee Breaking!
